god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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