Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
