also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
