This girl is more easily done than said...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
