I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
