Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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