I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
