i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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