I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
