I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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