so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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