The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
