Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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