Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
