I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize