The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
