I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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