I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
