id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
