i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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