help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
