she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
