i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
