i was born a porn star she said
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
