Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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