then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
