im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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