I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
