Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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