Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
