Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
