My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
