There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
