anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
