So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my being single is dangerous.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
