I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
