Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
