Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
one might say we're banned from that church
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize