He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
