I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
