puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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