I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
