Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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