You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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