Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
