I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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