He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
