I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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