it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
