Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
