I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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