i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
