I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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