He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
