thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
