That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
