Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
