There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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