I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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