i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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