I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
you never un-have a 4some
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
