He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
