My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Did I show you my penis last night?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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