Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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