I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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