She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
