im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
